1. You will feel so alone you think you hear your bones screaming. The sky will look mint and the air will taste of mercury and purple salt. Here, you open the window and allow the cold to gnaw at your skin with it’s metal teeth. Allow it to ripple across your wrists like volcanic lava. Allow it to kiss your neck and tower over your eyelashes. Do not cry.
2. Make your walls bare. Take in the peeling paint. Take in the vast emptiness. Rip out every single page of your favorite novel and tape it to your walls. Breathe in the words. Exhale the characters, the plot, the black setting. Do not cry.
3. Fill the bathtub with water. Take a bath in the dark. Think about how the universe is expanding. You are made up of stardust. You have galaxies breathing inside your palms, the moon is swimming against your thighs. You are meteor showers and the Seven Sisters. Do not cry.
4. Wash your sheets with ivory detergent. Wash your hands with pomegranate soap. Put cucumbers on your eyes. Put lotion on your toes, elbows, collar bones. Do not cry.
5. Remember cities will burn and stomach acid will flood your liver and lungs. Remember people are making love, buying groceries, making omelets, committing murder, giving birth, taking exams, waiting for him, for her. Remember people are dying. You are not. Remember do not cry.
6. If there are needles stinging your chest and marmalade reminds you of red stained lips and hurricane eyes, write poetry. It is the only thing you can do. Paint yourself using the color of the sea. Do not limit yourself to blue. The ocean is not blue. It is brown and purple at sunrise. Green and opaque at dawn. Do not cry.
7. You are alone. There are gaps within us that can be filled with rubber cement. But we will always bleed. It is human nature. Let yourself bleed. The poison, the cockroaches, the mud, the oil. You are the only God you need. You are the only God you will ever need. And finally, baby, cry.
Life is unfair. you put someone first who puts you second. you study your ass off for a final only to get a C. you give 110% to someone in a relationship who only gives 40%. you’re there for a best friend at 3:00am and the next day they don’t pick up their phone. it seems like you’re giving everyone everything and they’re just walking away with it.
the year is 2066. physical contact has been outlawed. hug dealers tenderly embrace people in the dead of night and shady people hold hands in dark streets
i want to read this novel
I want to write this novel.
I want to edit this novel.
Sounds like we have a plan.
|What do girls do at sleepovers?|
|Pass the Bechdel test.|
If the mean people in our lives were crappy 100% of the time, it would be easy to leave them. We would shrink from becoming friends with them or jump aboard the nope rocket in the early stages of trouble, and we would feel only relief when they are gone from our lives.
The problem is that very few people are evil all the time. They don’t wear villain costumes purchased at ForeverEvil. They don’t laugh maniacally and stroke their evil goatees while monologuing about their evil plans. They appear in our lives as People-Who-Would-Be-Awesome-Except-For-That-One-Glaring-Problem. They have potential to be awesome, and sometimes they are awesome, and they make us feel awesome, so we relax and let out that breath we’ve been holding in, and then BAM! They show their mean side, and we do a ton of mental work trying to reconcile the mean stuff with the awesome stuff.
Breaking up brings relief, as you lose the constant mental labor of managing the relationship AND the stress of being constantly disappointed and hurt, but it also brings grief. Shitty people who forget your birthday and give little backhanded compliments and gossip about your secrets sometimes give really good hugs, or presents, or are your favorite people to get drunk and watch figure-skating with, or were the sole witness to an important time in your life. The good times were real.
I cannot express how much of a lightbulb moment it was when I realized people did not have to be unilaterally awful in order for you not to want to be in a relationship with them
cockiness is so attractive to me in a way and it’s so irritating. like it’s annoying. and it annoys me. but the kind of expression and body language that comes with it. the self-satisfied attitude. the smug comments. the eye rolling. the smirking. “come and get me” hand gestures during a fight. eyebrow raising with an air of superiority. it’s just like. fuck you. i’m annoyed right now. i am so annoyed right now. but oh my fuck i am also so very, very attracted right now